Hey, pals! Welcome to the first ever Nice Times Club! I'm up here in the Nice Times Clubhouse and oh, boy have I got a whole load of nonsense for you today. But seeing as this is the first ever convening of the Nice Times Club, there's a bit of admin to get through first. Here is your membership card:
Here are the lyrics to the Nice Times Club theme song. You can put them to whatever melody you like:
And here is a brief message from the President of the Nice Times Club, Abigail the Quail.
Now that that's all out of the way, why don't we start with a story, huh?
Geoff the rock was feeling down. He was just a little rock, much smaller than the others. Geoff got so sad that a passing gnome felt it and came by to see what was up.
“What’s up?” said the gnome.
“I’m sad because I’m just a tiny little rock,” said Geoff.
“Well, I’m a magic kind of gnome,” the gnome said, “and I’ll do you a wish to make you feel better and that.”
“I wish I was a bigger rock,” said Geoff.
“Too easy,” said the gnome.
So the gnome did some gnome magic and wished up Geoff some enormous spindly legs. That wasn’t what Geoff was talking about. He just wanted to be a bigger rock. But the legs were ace and now Geoff could run about all he wanted. It was great.
It's Time for Bird Facts
- All ducks are named Jefferson.
- Quails are just incredibly detailed water balloons.
- Magpies are so named because when they look at pies, they see them as being 100x bigger than what they actually are.
- I once met a budgerigar who wanted to be an actuary. She was incredibly polite and I wish her the best of luck.
- Geese are where Skittles come from. They came up with the recipe.
- The most powerful bird is the sparrow because they are very empathetic.
- Most pigeons are missing toes because they had them removed so they could become more aerodynamic.
- A manta ray is a type of wet bird.
- My favourite bird is the crow, but please don't tell the other birds that.
- When a bird farts, it is laying a ghost egg.
Look at these plants, would you.
Put your hands in the air if you feel fine.
What is the best snack?
Please send your answers to firstname.lastname@example.org
Dog of the Week
John the Blue Heeler is a chartered accountant from Daylesford. He likes numbers, Microsoft Excel and peanut-butter-filled Kongs.
Letters to the Editor
Sometimes at night I go out into the street and I talk to the lampposts. They don't say much of anything, but I figure they could use the company, and I tell them they're doing a good job. It's nice to have some encouragement.
Dansworth, Whoopty NSW
If you're having a party and need a spread, just chuck out a loaf of bread. They cost a buck and it's a treat to stand round with your mates and eat.
Bonnibel, Pfaffington VIC
I've got a pet lizard. Her name is Waffles. On the weekends, we go to the park. Waffles likes to run up and down the slide. I like to go on the see-saw. When we're done, we just lay on the grass for a while and pick out clouds that look like butts. It's a good situation.
Jessing, Kerdango WA
And now some things to be going on with.
Well, that's it for this week.
Until next time, may the majority of your times be nice times.
(Vice President and Nonsense Wrangler of the Nice Times Club)