Welcome back to Nice Times Club, gang! It's so lovely to have you. I've been building a sundeck on the Nice Times Clubhouse to get ready for the warmer weather and it's gonna be sick. Abigail's already set up her nest in the corner.
Her nest is just a tea cup of mine that she stole. It's fine. It's a good excuse to buy a new tea cup.
I'm pretty pooped from deck building, so why don't I take a little break and tell you a story?
Geoff the rock decided that the time had come for him to get out and see the world. With his new long legs, there was nothing stopping him. So he packed himself a bag, picked a direction and started walking. In the distance, he spotted a weird-looking tree. It was wizened and dark and its branches curled in all kinds of ways and it was generally of a spooky disposition. But Geoff knew better than to judge a tree by its bark, so he walked right on up to it to investigate.
“Hello, Tree,” said Geoff.
“Well, hi, Geoff!” said the tree.
“You know my name?” asked Geoff.
“Of course! A walking rock is big news! All the forest knows about it!” said the tree.
“Oh, wow,” said Geoff.
“So, where are you walking off to?” asked the tree.
“I’m off on a holiday, but I don’t quite know where,” said Geoff.
“I’ve got a bed and breakfast in my trunk. There’s a spare room if you’d like to holiday there?”
“That sounds excellent!” said Geoff.
So Geoff the rock stayed at the tree’s B&B for two weeks. He ate a lot of scones and went kayaking for the first time.
It's time for Crab Facts
- There are 872 different types of crab in the world.
- In 1853, a crab was elected mayor of Western Maryland. His name was Crab.
- Crabs friggin' love carbs.
- The scientific name for a crab's pincer is a snappy-hurt-much.
- The biggest thing a crab has ever snapped in half with its claw is a '63 Buick Riviera.
- Sebastian from The Little Mermaid is probably the third most famous crab.
- Crabs consider it very rude when you eat them.
- All crabs' shells are lurid pink and have curse words written on them, but they look different to the human eye on account of how the light bounces off them.
- Hermit Crabs could have a permanent home if they spent less money on avocados.
- Ghost crabs are the spookiest crab.
Cheer up, 'lil plant.
You're doing real well.
I have collated the data that you have given me on the optimum places to nap and can now tell you the ultimate place to nap.
What is the best song to dance to when you are on your own and wearing your pyjamas?
Please send your answers to email@example.com
Dog of the Week
Esme the Pug is a machinist from Humpty Doo. She enjoys working with steel, aluminum and barking at floating dandelions.
Letters to the Editor
Where is my remote? I put it down while I was watching your program and now I can't find it and the lawn bowls is on and it seems to have been going for about 60 hours now, which seems excessive for a game of televised lawn bowls. I'm exhausted just looking at it.
Gert, Whatsit NT
Here's a little tip to liven up your summer - all pants can become shorts if you cut the legs a bit. Also, all t-shirts can become shorts if you put the legs through the arm holes and sew up the neck part. Also, all plastic bags can become shorts if you punch your legs through. I guess what I'm saying is most things can become shorts if you try hard enough.
Blurston, Plopping SA
I saw a really good bird the other day. It was round like an orange and it went, "Wooloowooloowoolooo!" like that.
Daves, Fart's Morrow ACT
Alright, Nice Timers, that brings us to the end of another week of doodles and stories and whatnot. I hope you all had some fun. You're all excellent and your faces are cute.
Until next time, may the majority of your times be nice times.
(Vice President and Nonsense Wrangler of the Nice Times Club)