G'evening! Welcome back to Nice Times Club for another week! You doing alright? I sure hope so. Let me start out by saying that I apologise for the overwhelming amount of quail content in last week's edition. I'm back at the helm this week, but Abigail has got a taste for getting involved now and is insisting she contributes, so I'm giving her a special little corner where she can do whatever she wants. That'll be coming up later. But first, as is tradition, let's start with a story.
Robinson the Sparrow
Robinson the Sparrow was living in a sharenest with a few of his acquaintances from university, who were also sparrows (that's by the by, but I'm just trying to paint a picture for you). One day, his nestmate Dan was going down the shops and asked Robinson if he wanted anything.
"A potato would be great," said Robinson.
"Fine," said Dan.
Four hours later, Dan returned with a two-kilo bag of potatoes.
"Oh, my heck!" said Robinson. "That's so many potatoes! How am I going to deal with so many potatoes?! This is too much for my small brain to handle! Oh, my cripes! I hate this situation! This is enough potatoes to crush my small bird body and such a huge responsibility, it could crush my small bird soul!"
"Friggin' chill," said Dan. "It's a lot of potatoes, but you just tackle them one at a time. And if you ask others to help out, they'll totally take on a potato or two for you."
"Oh," said Robinson.
It's Time for Tea Facts
- Tea is so named because tea leaves are shaped like the letter 'T' if you get two of them and cross them over in the right way.
- The best teas are green tea with jasmine, earl grey, black tea with rose, and mister.
- It is illegal to own a tea cup if you do not own the matching saucer.
- Peach ice tea is a refreshing drink and also a fun Mario Bros./SVU crossover cosplay idea.
- Anything steeped in hot water is technically a tea. Coffee is a tea. Soup is a tea. That peg that's been sitting in a puddle in the backyard - oh, yes. That is a tea.
- When you don't want to do something you say you wouldn't do it for "all the tea in China". This is a foolish saying. There is so much tea in China. You would be a billionaire. C'mon now.
- You can read the future in the tea leaves that are left in the bottom of your tea cup. If you use tea bags, your cup is always clear, which means the possibilities in your future are endless.
- Some teas have special properties. Chamomile tea makes you sleepy, lemon tea is good for colds, and liquorice tea turns you into an 18th Century street urchin who just found a copper and used it to buy a sweetie.
- You can put tea on anything to make it look old and mysterious. I soaked myself in tea and now I am frequently mistaken for an ancient wizard.
What is a good activity to do while you're on holidays?
Send your answers to email@example.com
Dog of the Week - NOPE NOW IT'S...
HEELO AND WELCOMW TO QUAIL QUORNER WITH ABIGAIL THE QUAIL. THAT IS ME, EHLLO. TODAY WE'RE GOING TO LEANR ABOUT THINGS THAT QUALISA RE GOOD AT.
1. QUAILS ARE VER YGOOD AT EATING SEED. I CAN EAT A LOT OF SEED.
2. QUAILS ARE GOOD A TPHOTOGRAPHY. HERE IS A PHOTO i HVE TAKEN OF A FLOEWR.
3. QUAILS ARE GOOD AT MAKING NEWLETTERS.
THAT IS ALL FOR QUALIL QUORNER THIS WEEK. THANKH YOU.
Letters to the Editor
I AM WRITING TO INFORM YOU THAT THE CACTUS YOU ARE GROWING IN YOUR FRONT YARD IS DEFINITELY FLIPPING ME THE BIRD. AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A LITTLE NUB, BUT OVER THE LAST FEW WEEKS, IT HAS DEFINITELY GROWN INTO A LARGE MIDDLE FINGER, RAISED DIRECTLY AT MY LIVING ROOM WINDOW. PLEASE DESIST.
Grantherly, Floppington NSW
Congratulations, sir. You have won a lifetime supply of pogs! To claim your prize, please send a self-addressed envelope to Pogs HQ. Thank you.
Alexamder Pog, Crow's Tush VIC
That's all for Nice Times Club this week, Nice Timers! I hope you had a lovely time. I've had a lot of fun. I'm going to go have a cup of tea now. Maybe you could have a cup of tea too and it'll be like we're having a cup of tea together. Aw. Lovely.
Until next time, may the majority of your times be nice times.
(Vice President and Nonsense Wrangler of the Nice Times Club)