Oh, hello there! Nice to see you Nice Timers! Thanks for stopping by.
It's getting really chilly here at Nice Times Club HQ. Bearcat's doing a lot of sleeping. Abigail has borrowed my earmuffs.
It's in these freezy times that it's extra important to huddle up together, so gather round and without further a-whatsits, here comes a story at you.
Gordo the Blade of Grass
Gordo the Blade of Grass lived in a little park down the end of a street in the suburbs. He was part of a small patch that sat just to the side of the roundabout. You know, that big spinny thing that you go on and then your mate spins you around - probably a bit too fast - and then you come off it feeling dizzy and a bit sick, but happy.
From his patch, Gordo could see the whole east side of the park. There was the chunky plastic slide with the graffiti on it that said "WURP DONK" maybe. There was the water bubbler with the wooden stump and a little ice-cream bucket for dogs to drink out of. And there was the bin, where gangs of birds would hang out and squawk curse words. It was all pretty dang great. But Gordo had always wondered what was over on the west side of the park.
You see, Gordo's view was blocked by the roundabout. He knew the only way he'd ever get to see the other side of the park would be to grow up and up and up - taller than his big metal neighbour. So Gordo put all his focus on growing as tall as he could. He drank in all the rain and let his roots dance about in the soil and he hugged the wind to duck out of the way of children's feet as they played.
Gordo grew and grew for weeks and months until finally he could just peek over the top of the roundabout. It was amazing! Now he could see the swing set made of big old tyres! And he could see the park bench, polka-dotted with poops. And he could see the flippy blocks that you could play naughts and crosses on. And he could see the council worker, with the whipper snipper coming his way - oh, no!
But it was okay, because Gordo was a blade of grass. Shorter again, sure, but that was alright. It just meant Gordo had something to look forward to as he grew and grew and grew again.
It's time for banana facts
- Bananas are the most comical fruit - aside from pomegranates, which are an absolute joke. I mean, really. What are you doing, pomegranates?
- f you draw a face on a banana, you'll always have a fruity friend.
- You should never bring banana bread to a cake party.
- Banana leaves are excellent for cooking, but did you know you can also use them to wave at friends who are a little bit far away, but not too far away?
- There are many types of banana - normal, lady finger, those small round sour bananas... Oh, no, wait. I'm being told that's lemons.
- Bananas are invented in 3071, but time travellers were kind enough to bring them back for us.
- Banana flavoured things are generally among the top one or two of all types of things, e.g. milk drinks, paddle pops, custard and lollies. The only exception to this rule is hard candies.
- Bananas enjoy warm climates, like Queensland, Ecuador and nestled under your armpit.
- The proper name for bananas grown in Australia is bayeahnas.
What's your favourite way to keep cosy in winter?
Send your answers to email@example.com
Interview With A Nice Timer
What's the most important part of any club? Its members, that's what. In this little section, I'm going to do an interview with someone from the Nice Times Club community, so we can all get to know each other a little better. This week - Darla Thomas.
NTC: Hey, Darla! How's it going?
DT: Yeah, I'm doing okay today, mostly.
NTC: I'm glad to hear it. Why don't you tell us a little about yourself.
DT: Uh, sure. I'm a wombat. I live in Crumplin's Bodge in New South Wales, where I run an independent pottery galley. It's mostly small exhibits of objects made by myself and my friends, and we run workshops on Tuesday nights and on the weekend.
NTC: That's pretty cool. And what do you do for fun, Darla?
DT: I like to collect small balls of lint, and twigs and leaves and fashion them into little dolls for my pals. I give them all neat backstories, but I don't tell anyone what those are. Those are just for me.
NTC: Alright, Darla. Now it's time for the Fast Five!
DT: Oh, jeez, what's that?
NTC: It's okay! It's just five questions, but I say 'em a bit faster.
DT: Oh, heck.
NTC: What's your favourite food?
DT: Uh... Oh, boy. Uh...peanuts?
NTC: What's your favourite movie?
DT: Why did I say peanuts? I don't even like them that much, it's just you had them in a bowl right here.
NTC: Peanuts IS a good movie! Favourite book?
DT: No, no! I didn't mean Peanuts for that one!
NTC: Peanuts again! Nice! The comics are great. Favourite song?
DT: Islands in the Stream.
NTC: Cool! And finally, what's your favourite place in the whole world?
DT: My burrow. Can I go there now?
NTC: Sure thing, Darla. Thanks for stopping by. Have you got anything you'd like to plug?
(Darla has left the room)
Letters to the Editor
To Whom It May Concern,
I went out for a walk yesterday and it was quite pleasant. I saw a couple of dogs that I enjoyed and I found a perfectly good quoits set that had been left out for hard rubbish. I've now set up the quoits in my kitchen so I can play it while stirring a risotto.
Tonsome Wombly, Purt TAS
Here's a hot tip for youse. You can take the seed out of an avocado and use it to grow a whole new avocado. Friggin' genius, that is!
Robs McCrankle, Dirge WA
EXCUSE ME, YOU LOT.
SOMEONE DID A FART IN MY HOUSE, AND ALTHOUGH I LIVE ALONE IT DEFINITELY WASN'T ME AS I AM WELL ABOVE THAT SORT OF NONSENSE. I DEMAND ANSWERS. I WOULD LIKE A SHORTLIST OF CULPRITS BY THE END OF THE DAY. THANK YOU.
Merploot Stonks, Footling VIC
That's all for this week, Nice Timers! Thanks again for stopping by. It's always real lovely to have you.
Until next time, may the majority of your times be nice times.
(Vice President and Nonsense Wrangler of the Nice Times Club)