Hey there, Nice Timers! This week, we've hit double digits! That's a fair achievement, which means this week we got a visit from Len the Wren. He hangs out in the neighbourhood, dropping in to say well done to anyone who's done a thing. He's super nice. I should tell you about him.
Len the Wren
Len the Wren's favourite thing in the world was seeing his buds do rad stuff. Maybe they made a pretty good cake. Maybe they worked up the courage to do something scary. Maybe they finally finished a big project they were working on. It didn't matter how big or small a thing it was - seeing pals do well made Len puff up with pride and joy. "Heck," thought Len, "there's all these great people around me and they're doing cool stuff all the time. I wonder if they know how much cool stuff they're doing?"
Len popped in to visit his friend Jason. Jason was a small tree and he'd just grown his first kumquat.
"Dang, Jason!" said Len. "You grew a fruit! That's amazing!"
"Nah, it's nothing," said Jason. "I'm just doing what I'm supposed to do. It's not even a very big kumquat anyway. It's probably real sour."
"It's so good, though!" said Len.
"Nah," said Jason.
Later, Len dropped in on his pal Danielle. Danielle was a decorative garden pebble that had recently been moved to a new area of the backyard and had been having trouble dealing with it.
"Danielle!" said Len, "You look like you've adjusted heaps well to your new digs!"
"I'm doing alright, Len," said Danielle.
"That was a big move, though! Seriously, well done!" said Len.
"Well, I mean, I had to get used to it, right?" said Danielle.
Len felt like his congratulations were making his pals kind of uncomfortable. He wanted to let them know he was proud of them, but he also didn't want to make them all self-conscious. Then he had an idea.
Len went down to the store and bought a bulk box of little individually-wrapped candies. Every time someone in the neighbourhood did something cool, Len would swoop in, drop a candy and call out, "Good job, bud!" Sometimes he'd stop in for a chat, if the pal was feeling up to it. Other times, he'd just drop the candy from the sky, knowing that his bud would know that it meant he was thinking of them. It was a good system, and the neighbourhood thought it was super nice.
It's Time for Sandwich Facts
- The sandwich was invented by the Earl of Sandwich
- He probs didn't make it, though, hey? He was an earl. He had servants and junk.
- Given he probably didn't make it and I don't know who made it, I'm gonna go ahead and rename sandwiches.
- Sandwiches are now called breadpals.
It's Time for Breadpal Facts
- The best breadpal is the Wiggum from Smith and Deli.
- Hamburgers, hot dogs and loaves of bread are all technically breadpals.
- Some classic breadpal combos include peanut butter and jelly, peanut butter and jam, peanut butter and banana, peanut butter and peanuts, peanut butter and butter, and peanut butter and peanut butter.
- The ancestral home of the breadpal is a generic plastic lunchbox what you buy at Coles.
- Breadpals and glad wrap have a fraught relationship, but ultimately, they love each other.
- Fairy bread is not a breadpal, unless you put two fairy breads together and make them be pals. Then you've got yourself a breadpal.
Do you have a pet?
Send your answers to email@example.com
Dog of the Week
Damascus Jones the Airedale is a Blockbuster Video clerk from Watsonia, VIC. He likes going to the cinema, filming skits on his handycam and lying down in muddy puddles right after you've given him a bath.
Letters to the Editor
Hrankle has locked me out of the house. He has somehow called a locksmith and they are currently changing all of the locks, despite my protests. I am sitting in the front garden, writing my next book - 'Ways My Cat Has Wronged Me: Volume 1,700,008'. Please, someone come and remove this Hrankle from my life.
Garph, Tootle's Plunk WA
I made the most delicious cake today and the recipe was so easy to follow! I'm not going to give you the recipe. It is mine alone and I will use it to impress all my friends. They will say, "Oh, my goodness! This cake is amazing! Did you make this?!" And I will say, "No, I bought it from the shop," to throw them off the scent.
Nambry, Stapling Arse VIC
Welp! That's it for today, bud-buds! Thanks so much for sticking around for the first ten issues of Nice Times Club! It's been heck of fun so far and I'm excited to make more!
Until next time, may the majority of your times be nice times.
(Vice President and Nonsense Wrangler of the Nice Times Club)