Welcome back for another week of Nice Times Club! Thanks so much of stopping by.
It's always the loveliest part of the week when you drop in. Here - how about a story?
Darlene the Cactus
Darlene the Cactus was what you'd call a prickly customer in that she was a cactus and was covered in prickles. However, personality-wise, she was a big ol' sweetie. Darlene loved spending time with people, but it could be a bit of a problem because she'd go to give a pal a hug and in doing so, she'd spike 'em up real good.
"It's alright," said Steve the Sunflower. "We know it's not your fault, Darlene."
"Yeah!" said Larry the Lorikeet. "We can still hang out. We'll just watch out for the spikes."
Darlene was glad her friends were so understanding, but she wished it didn't have to be that way. She'd see all her other buds giving each other hugs and she couldn't help but feel she was missing out. It made Darlene kind of sad.
But one day, Darlene's pals had a great idea. They fashioned themselves some snazzy outfits made of oven mitts. Now they could hug it on up with the best of them and everyone was happy.
It's Time for Coffee Facts
- Coffee was invented when Danzig Smug left her tub of beans out in the rain and then just decided to eat them anyway, rain and all. The rain juice was good, so she kept doing it that way.
- The best coffee in the world is made by a small duck named Harris, who lives in a hovel by himself in Iceland. He will not share his coffee.
- Some people don't like coffee and that's fine. They are probably incorrect, though.
- The average 30-year-old is 82% coffee.
- The two main kinds of coffee bean are Arabica and Robusta. To find your coffee bean name, pick a random word from the dictionary and add 'a' to the end of it.
- The tinier your cup of coffee is, the more sophisticated it is. That is why the fanciest people only drink thimble-sized macchiatos.
- Over the years, latte art has become more phallic. The baristas are just making it more and more realistic until one of us snaps, like a foamy game of wiener chicken.
- Coffee mugs were invented about 50 years before coffee and no-one had any idea what to do with them.
- Coffee grows in warm climates, like in Brazil, Colombia and inside your ducted heating system.
- If you see me in the street, it is the done thing to pass me a coffee.
Here is a small list of underrated films
- Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
- Legally Blonde
- Ever After
- They Came Together
Where is the best place to go on holiday?
Please send your answers to firstname.lastname@example.org
Dog of the Week
Juniper the Schnauzer is a croupier from Oodnadatta, SA. She likes playing poker, taking day trips down the coast and chewing up power cables.
Letters to the Editor
Dear Dolly Doctor, I have a large pimple on my hand. It has grown to about the size of a mandarin and it has fluent conversations with me, often about very sophisticated topics. My question is, what do I feed it?
Angelbritt, Corkney WA
A great craft tip is to take the cans that your chickpeas come in, spray them gold and then wear them as a little top hat. It's elegant AND thrifty.
Lorb, Dramble's Ploint QLD
I WISH TO COMPLAIN ABOUT THE BAG OF POTATO CRISPS I PURCHASED FROM YOUR STORE TODAY. I PURCHASED THEM AT 1:30PM. IT IS NOW 1:35PM AND THEY ARE ALL GONE. THEY ALL WENT IN MY TUM-TUM AND NOW I HAVE NO CRISPS. I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS. PLEASE REMEMDY THIS SITUATION.
Flangette, Hupty-Mumps VIC
Well, gang, that's all for today! If you find yourself hankering for more Nice Times, you can come hang out on Facebook or Twitter where I'll be dispensing more facts on the daily for you to enjoy.
Until next time, may the majority of your times be nice times.
(Vice President and Nonsense Wrangler of the Nice Times Club)