G'arvo, Nice Timers! Welcome back on this week where I did not watch Atlanta last night, and Abigail flapped at my head until I remembered to do the thing.
Did you know it's International Women's Day today? It's a pretty good day to tell all the wonderful ladies in your life that they're real great! In fact, if I could just chat to all our lady Nice Timers for one quick sec...
Hey! You're great!
Okay! Everyone can come back now and we'll have a story time.
Gertie the Koala gets an Email
Gertie the Koala was a pretty good business lady. Every day, she'd go to work and she'd get business done. She was good at her job and felt pride in what she did.
One day, she sent off a business email to a client to let them know that she had finished a piece of business for them. It was very professional, because Gertie knew that was the way to be when you were doing business with somebody. So imagine her horror when she got this email in reply:
That looks great. Thanks, love.
Gertie felt herself fill with such a rage that her fur went from grey to pink to a furious red. Gertie was not Chad's "love". She was a very serious business lady who was very good at business. Her anger was so total that she didn't even feel her paws typing out this response:
Well done on typing that email.
It must have been real hard to reach the keys with your lil' boy hands, so great job on that.
But Gertie came to and she didn't send that email, for she was a good business lady and she knew how to address someone in a business way. She let it go and just made a mental note to never do work with Chad Whatsit again and to tell all her lady friends that he was a turd. He would lose her business, for he was bad at business.
It's Time for Video Game Facts
- The first gaming console, the Atari Behemoth, weighed 47 kilos and was powered by gas.
- Prior to the success of Super Mario, Shigeru Miyamoto had created 122 other characters that flopped, including Pretty Good Nigel, He’s Okay Gareth and Nest Egg Robert.
- In 1996, Buster Granthole beat the world record for video games. He ate twenty of them.
- Video games have a bad reputation, but they are actually fantastic education tools and help develop problem solving skills so it’s actually fine that I’ve been playing Bubsy for a week straight now, Mum.
- It’s a common trope in video games that you must rescue a damsel in distress, but did you know there is a secret ending to each of those games? If you whisper into your TV screen, “It’s okay. I know you got this. You don’t need no man to rescue you,” you instantly win and the video game publisher sends you a cheque for eight dollars.
- The reason we have never seen extraterrestrial life visit Earth is because they find the game Space Invaders deeply offensive.
- Arcade cabinets have fallen out of favour because people kept trying to store crockery in them and it made the arcade attendants cranky.
- Sony once developed a handheld console that was like a very realistic hand that you could hold, but everyone just found it heck of creepy so it never went into production.
- I have played about 10 hours of Breath of the Wild so far, and I tell you what - it is a good game.
- Playing badminton except instead of a shuttlecock you use a VHS tape is technically a video game.
What's your favourite animal?
Please send your answers to email@example.com
Dog of the Week
Abigail. Abigail, this dog was too far away when you took a photo of it. Abigail... Yes, I know it's my job to write about the dog, but it's too small and I can't see anything about it. Why did you take the picture from so far away? What do you mean you were right up close to it? How big is this dog? How is that even possible? You're telling me this dog is only 5mm tall? Well, okay then.
Letters to the Editor
City council are a bunch of rats. They've refused to approve of a very tasteful monument that I wish to build in my front yard. It is a statue, seven feet tall, of a dancing frog wearing cool sunglasses. It is to commemorate my dancing career, which never got off the ground as I didn't realise I wanted it until last Tuesday. It is an outrage.
Helgen, Monitor NSW
Dear Better Homes and Gardens magazine,
Please stop rubbing it in my face that your homes and gardens are better than mine. It's extremely rude.
Mortyl, Noates NT
That brings us to the end of another week of Nice Times Club, gang! I hope you've had a lovely time. Make sure you go tell the women in your life you appreciate them, m'kay? Good.
Until next time, may the majority of your times be nice times.
(Vice President and Nonsense Wrangler of the Nice Times Club)