Hey, pals! Welcome to the first Nice Times Club of 2017! Do you feel different? More seventeeny? Things are pretty much the same here at Nice Times HQ. Bearcat is hanging out in a hammock, listening to some tunes. Abigail is getting the hang of photography. I don't think I'm ever going to get my phone back from her. She's enjoying Twitter too much. Honorary HQ resident Marceline has been sleeping a bunch and lying around, as cats do.
And I'm sitting here, ready to tell you the story for this week, so here we go.
Joseph the Copy of Animorphs #14
Joseph felt old. He had been sitting on the shelf of the second-hand bookstore for 15 of his 19 years. He thought he would have been a shoo-in for a kid to pick up. Heck, he had a picture of a horse on his cover.
Kids love horses! But Joseph was number 14 in a series, and 13 didn't appear in the shop all that often. So he was left stranded on the shelf, next to a rotating cast of books 1-5 that would regularly be sold to bored children or nostalgic twenty-somethings.
Joseph went to the window and looked outside. He wished with all his might that he would get to see the world outside the bookstore once more. Then he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror and he saw it.
"Never underestimate the power of a morph..."
The answer had been on his cover all along. Joseph knew what to do.
Joseph scurried over to the sales desk, grabbed a permanent marker and jotted down "Harry Potter and the Curse of the Horse Face" on a piece of masking tape. He placed it on the desk, sticky side up, and then flopped his cover down onto it. There. He was transformed. He had morphed.
The very next day, a small child picked him up and begged their parent to buy him. The parent insisted that he wasn't a real Harry Potter book, but the kid did not give a rat's. So Joseph went home with the lovely family, and though the child was kind of annoyed that there was no mention of any wizardry within his covers, they did think the little flip animation in his corners was sick as.
It's Time for Bee Facts
- Bees are made of wood and beech trees are made of bees.
- A group of bees is called "these are some beese".
- Every time a bee does sting, a sarcastic angel gets its wings.
- Beehives are like the apartments buildings of the bee world. Rich bees live in smaller lumps that house 4-5 bees only and are placed in fabulous surrounds.
- Bees are the true heroes of this world.
- Bee wings beat two times a minute.
- The most powerful bee is the Queen bee. The second most powerful bee is the Prime Minister bee.
- Bees make honey, beeswax and scintillating conversation.
- Some times a bee does a sex move with a bird and that's where humans come from.
- All bees are very upset with Jerry Seinfeld.
- Bees have long campaigned for B to be the best grade you can get in school.
Where is your favourite place to go for a walk?
Please send your answers to email@example.com
Dog of the Week
Barry is a washing machine repairsman from Gundagai, NSW. I am not sure what breed of dog he is, but I have been assured he meets the requirements for Dog of the Week. Barry likes eating dog food, barking and building nests.
Letters to the Editor
I wish to complain about the service at your restaurant. It was bad enough that I had to bring my own table and chair to your establishment, but now I have been sitting here for five hours and not one waiter has come up to me. Other patrons have been brushing past my table all day in a very unpleasant manner, and many have been giving me foul looks. Foodworks? More like Fooddoesn'tworks.
Crunth, Jaggingfloot TAS
I am writing in regards to the quality of your television programming. I love it. It is the most wonderful viewing I've ever seen. The crowded white dots on a black background comfort me, and the sound you play is much like rapid rain on a tin roof - it reminds me of home. Never change.
Jaspither, Bundt VIC
That brings us to the end of today's meeting. I hope your first couple of weeks of 2017 have been treating your right.
Until next time, may the majority of your times be nice times.
(Vice President and Nonsense Wrangler of the Nice Times Club)